Could You Wait Just 30 Seconds?
by wolfdefender01
Summary: an idea i got off of a Fullmetal Ova about Roy. A younger Roy than we are all accustomed to returns from Ishaval in a downward spiral and basically Hughes and Hawkeye pick up the pieces, rated K for attempted suicide and possible violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Here is just a little teaser of my new fanfic. I is based off of a little side story episode of Fullmetal Alchemist, the one about Roy at the academy, meeting Hughes, fighting in Ishval, ect, here is a spin off of that little mini series.**

**I do not own this show, by the way.**

**I have already typed out quite a bit of this so this is just a taste, please bear with it and review if you like where this may be heading.**

"Could you wait just 30 seconds?" I muttered, head bowed low under the white hood.

"30 seconds then." Said Hughes taking his pocket watch out.

We sat in complete silence. The seconds seemed too dragged by, I closed my eyes and tried to prepare myself, but then just like that my thirty seconds were up.

"Get up Mustang; it is time to go to work."

"Yes… Time to go to work."

I pulled myself to my feet, casting off all thoughts of genocide and pulled on my specially made gloves. I stared at my hands. These hands used to kill. So covered in blood. I could not look. I turned my gaze back to Hughes, who was standing at the entrance of the tent, ready to go. I walked over to him.

"Time to go to work Roy." He said again.

"Yes time to go… to war.

And with that Hughes flung back the tent flap with a flourish. We were momentarily blinded by the early morning light. I blinked several times until our temporary base camp came into focus. We stepped out into the war zone…


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is Chapter 2 just for the hell of it **

I held my head in my hands, fingers pressed to my eyelids, as I remembered.

There was a jolt as the train returning us to Amestris ground to a halt at the station. I heard the people; the returning soldiers begin to file from the train and begin their search for their loved ones, calling out for them.

I did not move from my seat, I could not, could not face all of those happy faces. Glad to be home, glad to see their loved ones again… glad to be going back to normal.

I grimaced. Back to normal how could they go back to normal, after what we had done, the blood we had spilled?

I could never go back to… normal.

I heard footsteps getting nearer to my cabin. I heard the sliding door open. I raised my head and came face to face with Maes Hughes.

He walked into the cabin and sat down across from me.

"Hughes what are you doing here? Isn't Gracia waiting for you?"

"Yes she is."

"Then why don't you go to her. I am sure she will be getting worried."

"Roy. I will not leave you here, not in this state."

I turned my gaze down to my shoes.

"I am fine."

"Roy I know you, and you are not fine."

"I am fine. Go to Gracia."

He hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." I said, looking up with a false grin pulled over my face to mask my true feelings.

I could not be sure if Hughes saw through me or not, but in any case he grinned back and stood up.

He held his hand down to me, "Come on Roy."

I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet.

As we stepped off the train we both heard a yell.

"Maes!"

We both turned.

"Gracia!" Hughes shouted as Gracia flung herself pell-mell into his arms.

As he grinned back into her smiling face I was reminded of something Hughes had said to me, back in that tent in Ishval.

"I will take in what I have done here alone, and smile when I am in front of my Gracia again."

"Hughes you are strong." I muttered under my breathe… I looked down at my hands and clenched my fist, "But I do not have your strength."


	3. Chapter 3 read the note first

**So I have no idea if anyone even was reading this fic and I have sort of abandoned it… But I do feel like I owe anyone who was reading it so without further ado here is the rest of what I had written for this story, figured I should upload it. **

.

I stared mindlessly into the cloudy amber liquid that was my sixth beer.

I was a monster. A killer. Monster

Somebody tapped my shoulder and I looked up.

"Hey, Hey, Mr. you gotta leave now we are closing for the night."

I drained the last of the alcohol from my cup and turned to leave.

Outside it was dark in the streets of Amestris. It had to be around one in the morning.

The wind chill was something fierce, a fiend that bit and buffeted me with cruel icy fingers. Tomorrow was my first day back on the job in central… I would rather face the wind.

It had been only three days since I had returned from Ishval, and already I was being called back to duty. I had not even gone back to my apartment since the train had pulled into the station. I had not changed my clothes. Nor unpacked my bag. I had spent those days wandering the cobbled streets of Amestris and drowning my sorrows in alcohol.

I wearily dragged myself to my small apartment. I was a Colonel, I could probably have afforded a house, but what is the point… when there is nobody to share it with.

I entered the apartment and looked around. Same as I had left it. But not the same… It could not be the same… because I was not the same. It felt… Wrong.

I set my bag down on the floor and walked further inside. I felt like a stranger in my own home. An intruder.

A monster.

That word would not stop torturing me.

Monster.

You are a Monster.

How could I ever go back to work? How could I ever continue my life were I had left off.

I was weak… Hughes was strong.

I glanced at my bag, still sitting there not yet unpacked. But I knew the contents of that bag. A change of clothes, a toothbrush, and a gun.

I plopped myself down on the couch that occupied the main room of my apartment. I slowly peeled off my gloves. That damn uniform. My State Alchemist's watch. Until I sat there in my underthings.

I looked at my hands for what seemed the umpteenth time and was repulsed.

Monster.

I slowly unzipped the bag and removed the gun.

I held the gun in my hands. No… I held my life in my hands.

Monster.

I raised the gun, with trembling hands and placed it under my chin.

Monster.

Murderer.

Monster.

MONSTER.

I squeezed the trigger.

.

An unexpected knock at the door.

I was already on edge and that knock made me jump. The gun twisted in my grasp and instead of firing the kill shot under my jaw that I had intended I instead fired into my shoulder.

I grimaced and clutched my gushing arm as I prepared to fire the kill shot once more.

"Roy!"

I stopped, that was Hughes voice.

"Roy are you in there! I thought I heard a gunshot!"

I lowered the gun and grimaced.

"Yeah Hughes I am here."

"Oh, thank God, are you okay?"

"I'm fine Hughes."

"You do not sound fine." He retorted back.

"Well I am."

"Roy, at least let me in, I am concerned about you, I talked to the landlord and he said that you had just gotten home for the first time. It has been three days since we arrived Roy, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing."

"It most certainly is not nothing, let me in Roy."

At that point I knew that there was no getting rid of him, I succumbed to the inevitable and opened the door.

I did not open it all the way mind you, Hughes would have immediately seen the blood spurting from my shoulder, the result of my failed suicide attempt.

Hughes was standing there in the hallway, a worried expression on his face.

"Roy is there something wrong, I got the impression you were not quite right in the head at the train station that day. I have been trying to get a hold of you ever since, but you have not been home."

"Oh, well I…"

"Mustang, let me in." Hughes said in all seriousness.

I hesitated, "You are in."

"All the way you childish man."

I let out a sigh and swung open the door.

I tried to turn myself at an angle so that Hughes would not be able to see the blood dripping from between my fingers.

Of course it was no use, Hughes immediately saw what I was trying to do and grabbed my good arm, spinning me around to face him.

He gasped in shock, "Roy… what have you done?"

I turned my head away from him, not able to meet his gaze.

"I could not take it anymore Hughes… I just could not take it." My voice shook, from pain or from anguish I do not know.

"You stupid man! Why did you not come to me! I could have helped you selfish bastard! And now you have gone and done this!"

"I did not want to trouble you and Gracia." I muttered under my breathe.

"Mustang… Roy, we are your friends, and you could not come to us for help?"

I still could not meet his gaze.

"I have to get you to a hospital, come on!" said Hughes.

"I will be fine Hughes."

"You are not fine you obtuse man, for Christ's sake you are suicidal and have a bullet in your shoulder! Damn it Roy you are coming with me!"

And with that Maes Hughes practically carried me out of the room and carted me off to the hospital, or wherever he had in mind.

.

Hughes loaded me unceremoniously into his car, which was waiting outside in the street. I cannot recall what happened next because being quite a bit dizzy from the loss of blood I had passed out.

When I cracked my eyes open I was lying in a white cot in rather familiar looking hospital ward.

I was in Central, at the sick bay.

I cast my gaze around the room and my eyes landed on Hughes, who just so happened to be sitting right next to my bed, by God he looked exhausted.

"Hughes?" I croaked out, my throat was dry and Hughes promptly handed me a glass of water. I greedily drank it down.

"You gave us quite a scare Roy."

I smiled weakly, "Hey it was only a shoulder wound."

"Yeah, but you lost a lot of blood and that bullet did some pretty nasty muscle damage, it will take a while for you to fully recover."

"Naw, I will be back on my feet in no time. Dog of the military, remember."

"Uh Roy…"

"What is it Maes?"

"I am afraid you will not be back working here for a while."

"What do you mean?"

"Roy you tried to attempt suicide, you are not right in the head… they are, they are . . . sending you away to.. uh.. Recover."

"What do you mean, can't I do that here?"

"No. Roy they are sending away so you can get some help, it happens to a lot of soldiers after war… what I mean to say is…"

"They are sending me away to a loony bin aren't they?"

Hughes shoulders dropped several levels, "Yeah, pretty much."

.

They carted me off the next day. Treated me like some drooling animal… or a monster…

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Was I really crazy?

They took away my gloves for starter, which makes sense I guess… still I did not appreciate it.

They took my clothes and gave me a white t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants to put on.

I am not the sort of man who enjoys sweatpants.

Then I was assigned a bunkmate.

The man I was assigned to live with suffered from some sort of multiple personality disorder.

He had two main personalities. Stark contrasts to each other, but none the less, both very annoying.

I have heard of people having up to a hundred different personalities in one body, but Ling and Greed were definitely two distinctly different people.

.

Lin/Greed… or Greed/Ling… ah screw it I'll just call him Greeling. XD!

Anyway Greeling and I did not really get on well, and I generally tried to avoid him. Which suit him fine seeing as he could hold an entire conversation all by himself.

I tried to stay to myself, seeing as I really did not consider myself crazy like these other inmates… but then again that is what a crazy person would say…

Sometimes I would wake up at night in that strange place, screaming.

I would have these terrible nightmares… or should I say memories of what I had done back in Ishval. All of those innocent red eyed faces gazing at me with some a look of sadness… and others a look of hatred. Pure Hatred that spawned pure grief.

I screamed and sobbed and bite my tongue till it bled red.

Was I crazy? At those times I truly believed that I was.

At first these night terrors were quite sporadic, but every day they happened more and more often.

It got so bad that I would often wake up ten times in a single night screaming or sobbing… or both.

Eventually I just quite sleeping.

I was too scared.

Too terrified of those faces that haunted my memories.

I grew despondent.

Would not answer people when they talked to me.

Would not make eye contact.

Would not give any sign that I heard.

I just sat there, struggling to keep myself awake.

Could not let my eyes close, not even for a minute…

"Roy? Roy Mustang?"

.

My head snapped back.

That was the first time somebody had referred to me by name since I had entered this place.

I looked up to the owner of the voice.

It was a young woman dressed in military uniform, with blonde hair pulled back into a messy bun and sparkling blue eyes she was truly gorgeous.

"Are you Roy Mustang?"

"Yes." I said quietly. It had been a while since I had spoken to anyone.

"I've got your meds here for you to take."

She handed me the little Dixie cup that held those little colourful pills that were supposed to "help me," but as far as I knew they were just there for show.

I grimaced disapprovingly, "thanks."

She grinned at sat down next to me.

Now this sort of thing does not usually happen to me so you can imagine the awkwardness of the moment.

"So, Roy? What are you in for?"

I met her gaze evenly, "why do you ask?"

She shrugged, "Well to me you just do not seem like the crazy sort. You do however look extremely exhausted."

"Well . . . I . . . Uh . . ." I stuttered, not exactly sure how to answer. Should I tell her the truth? Why not? Then that voice in my head whispers

Cause then she will think you are crazy.

I did not answer.

That awkward moment struck again.

"Oh." She said, "That is okay. I do not need to know. It is your own personal business."

She was so nice.

Maybe I should tell her.

No!

Yes?

I do not know!

Then I blurted out, "Okay."

"Huh?"

I lowered my voice, embarrassed, "I will tell you."

"I do not want you to feel like you have to t0… ell me."

"No. No. It is okay. I will."

"Only if you feel like you want to."

"I . . . uh . . . I am a colonel."

She giggled, "Well of course you are a colonel, and you are in a military base hospital aren't you?"

"Well yeah. Anyway I was . . . um . . . stationed in Ishval."

"Oh." Her laughter died.

"And I . . . I . . . did terrible things." My voice cracked.

She gazed at me with understanding, "I can only imagine. I have yet to see battle myself… My name is Hawkeye by the way."

"Then consider yourself lucky… and that is a beautiful name."

.

That night as I lay trying in growing vain to keep my eyes open I could not help but think of that women from earlier… Hawkeye she said her name was.

I wondered if I would ever see her again, it was a big hospital, but I could not entertain that option.

Then as if by some divine power Hawkeye entered the room and sat down on the edge of my cot.

"Roy are you awake?" she whispered.

"Well I ain't asleep." I replied.

"Hey listen I got you these, it's cold tonight." She preceded to hand me a dark blue blanket.

I was stunned by her kindness.

So stunned in fact that all I could manage to splutter out was "Th… tha… thank you."

She blushed, "Don't worry about it."

An awkward silence began to establish itself in the room.

Hawkeye coughed nervously and left.

.

Hawkeye was right it was cold that night and the blanket was an undeniable comfort.

In fact it was too much of a comfort, I was getting drowsy.

My eyelids felt as if someone had attached lead weights to them and no matter how much I struggled to keep them up it seemed to be all in vain.

The next thing I knew it was morning, it had been so long since I had had a peaceful night's sleep that for a moment I just sat there, staring at the wall opposite my bed.

As I scrambled to find an explanation for this sudden anomaly there was a sharp knock on the door.

Greeling did not so much as stir, damn that guy slept a lot… ate a lot too.

Another knock.

I jumped up to answer it, but my feet became ensnared in the bed sheets and I toppled to the floor with a crash.

From my awkward position on the floor I called out, "um… yeah."

"Roy you up?" Hawkeye's voice came from the other side of the door frame.

"Yeah, just a second!" I yelled attempting to untangle myself from the array of bed sheets.

The door opened.

.

Hawkeye stood there stunned.

And I sat on the floor embarrassed and entangled in bed sheets.

She burst out laughing.

I blushed cherry red.

"I see you are up." She said, attempting to stifle her giggles.

"Yeah well, I… um…. Good morning." I said, flustered.

"And a good morning to you too sleepy head, it is nearly one in the afternoon."

"What?"

"Yeah."

"I slept that long?"

"Looks like it."

I was ultimately befuddled. Had I really been able to sleep that long with no nightmares, no clawing memories? Well it seemed I had, but I could not seem to fathom why.

And then I glanced up and saw my answer in a cheerful face.

.

Hawkeye and I grew very close from that point on, we were basically inseparable.

And as our time together grew so did my feelings for her.

At first I was not sure if it was for love or for lust, but after a while I knew… and there was no mistaking it,

I was in love.

.

One morning Hawkeye did not wake me.

I questioned the other nurses with a growing panic. They had these looks on their faces… they were hiding something from me.

It tore me apart inside, thinking up scenarios as to what could have happened to her.

I just sat on my cot starring at the wall, not truly seeing, when a knock came on the door.

My reaction was near spring loaded, I jumped up and opened the door in nervous anticipation.

One of the older nurses stood awkwardly in the doorframe.

"You are Roy?" she inquired somewhat hesitantly.

"Yes."

"Hawkeye asked me to give this to you." She held out a crisp white envelope with my name scribbled hastily in pen across the top.

The sight of that letter filled me with both a sense of hope and one of foreboding dread.

I took it in my hands and stared intently at the scribbled name.

"I'll leave you be." The nurse bowed out.

I dropped onto my bed, clutching the envelope with white knuckles.

Did I dare open it?

Well I mean I had to, but still.

I ripped it open and began pouring over the contents of the letter…

Dear Roy,

I am afraid I have been called away to Ishval. It seems as if there is one last rebel force hiding out in the desert. I have been recruited to help stamp out the rebellion before it grows into a serious problem. I do not want you to worry about me, I will be fine and will return within the month. And Roy I just wanted you to know, I mean formally, that I love you.

Sincerely,

Riza, Hawkeye

A mix of intense emotions sprang up from the depths of my soul.

Both triumph and sorrow, but most of all fear.

She had just declared her love for me, and yet the fact that she had declared it in that letter scared me.

She said she was coming back, but if she had felt the need to profess her love… did she have her doubts? Doubts that she would return?

She said not to worry, but that just convinced my brain to kick into worry overdrive.

.

That night my memories and visions were clearer than ever.

And after a couple of episodes in that one night I just gave up on sleep and attempted to stay awake.

But my memories clawed behind my eyes, I could still see them, but I was not asleep.

Could they not just leave me in peace?

But no, they just intensified.

I began scrabbling at my face, I could feel those visions crowding behind my eyes, and it hurt.

I just wanted the hurt to go away.

I began thrashing around, seemingly unable to control my own functions.

What the hell was happening!

Greeling chose this moment to wake up and go and get help… Of course I was not aware.

Next thing I knew I was being held down by several burly security guards. They pricked me with some sort of concoction and I began to get woozy.

Darkness closed in.

.

When I woke up the first thing I noticed were the restraints that held me taut to the bed.

What happened?

Then in a dizzying rush I remembered. Hawkeye had left, and I had freaked out.

Somebody sitting just out of my peripheral vision spoke.

"Roy."

I craned my neck to see who it was.

It was Hughes.

Oh God.

"Roy do you know where you are?'

I nodded, eyes wide and mouth to parched to speak.

"Do you know what happened last night?"

I looked down.

"You had a panic attack Roy. They say it was because Riza was called to Ishval."

Although I hardly had enough moisture in my body at the moment I could not stop the flow of tears that sprang to my eyes.

I felt a hand on mine, "It is okay Roy, I understand. You do not have to feel ashamed."

But I was ashamed. Oh so very ashamed. I thought I had to be made of tougher stuff than this. I was weak. This was no way for a Colonel to be.

**And that is it folks! All I have got. I admit it is definitely not the best thing I have ever written, but hey what are you gonna do? **


End file.
